Novel Bin Chapter 396 - Not Like This
Gael\'s kiss was hungry and desperate as if he was afraid this was the last kiss he\'d get from Angela. And maybe that was right. Maybe that was the last. Though she certainly didn\'t want it to be.
He pushed her down to the bed and climbed on top of her, groaning as he moved his lips to her neck, licking and biting down towards her collarbone. He cupped her breasts, and she moaned.
But just before he could go any further, she gasped and placed her hands on his chest, lightly pushing him off her and creating space between them. "I can\'t…"
Gael drew his brows into an uncomfortable scowl. "Why the fuck not? You can. You want this, don\'t you?"
Angela sat up, forcing him to go back to kneel on one knee in front of her. He kept his hands on her waist and arm, not wanting to stop touching her, afraid that if he released her, she\'d leave right away.
She looked defeated when she raised her hands as if she wanted to touch his face but she let them fall and clenched them tightly instead. "I do… So badly I do."
"Then what the hell is the problem, Angel? Why are you doing this?"
Another tear slid down her cheek. She wasn\'t full-on crying. It seemed like she went back to her old ways where she prevented herself from showing weakness. For him, he didn\'t think she was weak when she cried, but that was somehow engraved in her head. So although she tried so hard, she felt too much and she couldn\'t stop the moisture pooling in her eyes.
When Angela didn\'t respond, he probed, "Is this your answer then? I asked you to stay with me. I know I told you I\'m not going anywhere, and I can wait. And you\'re not supposed to go back this early yet. But with what happened today, you decide you want to leave. So is this your answer? You don\'t want to stay with me?"
"I want to stay with you. You know that!" She looked down, squeezing her eyes shut like everything was too much.
"How? You haven\'t told me. You haven\'t answered. And now you\'re leaving. What am I supposed to believe, huh?"
She shook her head and sobbed. Gael held her chin with his fingers and tilted her face up, forcing her to look at him. "Baby… That contract means nothing—I\'m not marrying her. My father fucking blindsided me, brought me there, and made me sign it without telling me what he had planned. He gave me no choice. I couldn\'t defy him while the other family was there. And fuck—" He let out a sigh. "Somehow, I trusted him, believing that he had a plan. And he does. It\'s going to get us out of this arrangement—this mess. I hate this plan, but it\'s the only chance we have right now."
Angela\'s lips quivered. "That\'s the thing... Whether or not it was your choice, your name is still on that paper with her. Both of you signed it. It\'s official—legal. That may not mean something to you since you\'re saying you have a plan, but to me, it does. I can\'t share you, Gael." More tears rolled out of her eyes. "I\'m pretty selfish. I can\'t stand that I\'m a mistress. I can\'t be here while there\'s a contract saying you and her are legally together. I just can\'t be that person. It hurts…"
Listening to her caused his heart to drop. This was all messed up. It was never meant to be this way.
Wiping her wet cheeks with his fingers, he pressed a kiss on her lips, her forehead, her cheeks. "You\'re not a mistress. You never were. You\'re the only one. Do you understand that? This will all end soon; you won\'t have to worry about this anymore."
She let out a shaky breath as she rested her forehead against his. It was silent for a minute, none of them spoke, and he thought she had changed her mind. He thought he had convinced her. But then she clutched his shirt, and in almost a whisper, she said, "You scare me."
Gael had to pause for a second to think about what she said. Then he leaned back and stared right into her eyes. "You\'re scared… That\'s why you\'re leaving… I can\'t believe you\'re doing this to me too. I don\'t know what\'s worse—if you had left without saying it to my face, and I\'ll just find your letter telling me it\'s over... or this." He scoffed, feeling a bit angry and frustrated. "Angela, you\'ve known me for a while now. You\'ve met my family, and you\'ve slept in the same bed with me for fucking weeks, and you\'re only telling me now that you\'re scared of me?"
Angela shook her head frantically, her eyes widening. "No! That\'s not what I mean."
"Then what?"
She took a ragged breath, wiped her cheek, and briefly closed her eyes as if she was gathering courage. When she opened them again, she looked at him with so much longing and emotion that he could practically feel what she was feeling at that moment. Then the words came tumbling out of her mouth as if she had wanted to tell him since forever ago.
"I\'m not scared of you because of who you are. I\'m scared of what being with you could do to me. I didn\'t know when it happened, but I\'ve given you my heart—basically giving you permission to either protect it or break it. And I\'m scared you\'d choose the latter—even right now when you don\'t mean it, it\'s breaking anyway.
"I\'m scared of us, Gael. Even after not seeing you for three years, the moment you came back, somehow, I already knew I\'d be giving you my heart anyway. Somehow even though I knew it was wrong, that it would hurt, that it would probably cost me the rest of my life, I still took a chance. Even though I knew about your marriage arrangement, I still selfishly wanted to be with you.
"You scare me… Because I\'ve been choosing to go beyond what I deem is comfortable just so I can be with you. I wanted to learn more about you, your family, even your family\'s business, and that scares the shit out of me too. Because the things I write in my books are not just fiction anymore. I write about these things, and I think I\'m brave, and yet now, knowing more and more about your world—even learning about my mother and grandfather… It\'s all too real. And this…" She shook her head. "I\'m not that brave to stay with you while your name is attached to her. And I can\'t love you like I want to when I can\'t even be strong for myself."
The entire time, Gael let her speak her mind. He didn\'t interrupt her as he wanted to hear everything that had been on her mind. Then the last words hit him like a ton of bricks, and he grabbed the back of her head, looking directly into her eyes. "What are you saying?"
Angela swallowed, stern eyes staring as she told him, "I love you."
His lips parted, his heart hammering against his ribcage, yelling at him—for what, he didn\'t know. She just told him the words that he longed to hear, the words he wanted to tell her. And all he could do was look at her.
"I\'m in love with you, Gael. I have been for a while now. You\'re the kind of man I didn\'t think I would ever need in my life. You made me feel safe and warm that I don\'t want to leave you—it pains me just thinking about going back home and not being able to see you—"
"Then don\'t." His jaw tightened as he held her hands once again and kissed both of them. Then his brows drew together, seemingly looking hurt just like she was. God, he wanted to tell her he loved her too. But saying that right now would seem insincere as if he would only be saying that so she wouldn\'t leave. So instead, he said, "Stay with me… right here. See this through with me."
"I can\'t…" She shook her head, letting out a strangled breath. "I have to go home. I need to think. I need to be alone. If I stay here and see you all the time knowing I can\'t fully call you mine, I\'ll go crazy."
"BUT I AM YOURS. And you want to be with me… You just said so yourself."
"I do. But not like this."
A moment later, Angela got to her feet, and Gael did the same. She hesitated for a second before she tiptoed and kissed him one last time.
He was so stunned that he couldn\'t even kiss her back. His heartbeat was wild inside his chest. He wanted to lock her up to stop her from leaving. But he wouldn\'t do that.
"At least let me drive you," was all he could say as he watched her grab her suitcase. She had already made her decision.
"I already called a cab." Her grip tightened around the handle. "Please be safe. I don\'t want you to get hurt."
"Can I call you?"
A small, sad smile lifted on Angela\'s lips. She didn\'t answer. After one last painful gaze at him, she turned around and left.